The Ultimate Guide to Tinder
With the explosion of smartphones and tablets in recent years, mobile dating has really taken off in a big way. One of the biggest players in this market is a well known app called Tinder. This guide has been put together to give you all you need to know when using Tinder; from what to write in your Tinder bio to how to start a conversation on Tinder, this guide has your back! Happy Tindering!
The Ultimate Guide to Tinder
- 1 The Ultimate Guide to Tinder
- 1.1 What is Tinder?
- 1.2 How Tinder works
- 1.3 How to use Tinder
- 1.4 How to start a conversation on Tinder
- 1.5 Good Tinder Openers (The safe approach)
- 1.6 Best Tinder Openers (The risky approach)
- 1.7 What to say on Tinder
- 1.8 Getting a date on Tinder
- 1.9 Hooking up on Tinder
- 1.10 Does Tinder work?
- 1.11 No matches on Tinder
- 1.12 How to tell if someone unmatched you on Tinder
- 1.13 Tinder Tips
- 1.14 Is Tinder safe?
- 1.15 How to spot Tinder scams
- 1.16 How to delete a Tinder account
- 1.17 Tinder FAQs
What is Tinder?
Tinder is a location-based dating app that is available on Apple’s App Store and Android’s Google Play stores and is free to download. Launched in September 2012, Tinder has taken the dating world by storm. By 2014 the app was registering almost one billion “swipes” and twelve million matches every day!
To create a Tinder account you have to login using your Facebook profile. This is the only way to create an account at the moment. This does take all of the hassle out of filling in personal details and uploading photos all over again though. Due to the Facebook login Tinder is able to build your user profile with your Facebook profile photos. It will also pull through some other basic information such as age, job and interests (providing you have that data visible in your Facebook profile). As of 2015, Tinder also integrates with Instagram so you can link your account and your photos from Instagram are show at the bottom of your Tinder bio.
How Tinder works
As a location-based app, Tinder utilizes your device’s location services to find potential matches within a certain distance. You can set this distance in the discovery preferences area of the app – be aware that this is the straight line distance and so technically the driving distance is likely to be further.
In addition to setting your search distance from 1 to 100 miles when in the discovery preferences area, you can also set age range between 18 to 55+ and choose whether you’re seeking men or women. It’s these 3 criteria that generate your potential matches on Tinder.
In order to “like” or “reject” on Tinder you can either swipe right on your screen to like them or swipe left to say “nope”. Alternatively, you can press the heart to “like” or the cross to say “nope”. All swipes are made anonymously and you’ll never find out unless you both “like” each other (more on that later).
There is a newer function, released in 2015, which is the “super-like” button or swipe up. This takes anonymity out of the equation and place a nice obvious blue box around your profile on her phone to tell her that you’re interested. Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just be careful and use sparingly as you only get one free per day!
How to use Tinder
So we’ve covered what Tinder is and how Tinder works to find you potential matches; now let’s get onto how you actually use the main features of the app.
Although Tinder does most of the work for you, there is a little work required (if you want to increase your chances of success) before you start checking out the profiles in your area. Your Tinder bio is what I’m talking about.
You know what a bio is right? A short piece about you, the things you like and don’t like, etc. Yes, I know, they’re excruciating to right at times but you know what women love? Knowing as much about you as possible before making a decision on whether they like you or not, that’s what.
Take a little time to write how much you like cute little puppies and love romantic evenings in or something… No, I’m kidding. Be honest, write what you enjoy, what you don’t, what you’re like as a person, what you’re looking for in a woman, etc.
Once you’ve created your bio, set your criteria and Tinder has found you matching profiles in your area, you are presented with a screen similar to the one below…
As each profile is presented you are likely to find yourself in one of these scenarios:
- You’re curious so you click the photo to reveal the full profile, including more details about the user and the ability to check out their other photos.
- You find them so incredibly attractive that you instantly swipe right
- Jackpot! You’ve won the lotto… Super-Like!!!
- You don’t find them attractive enough to even warrant a look at their other photos so you swipe left
WARNING: Once you swipe left, you won’t ever see that profile again! My advice is to take you time and give those 50/50 profiles some thought first, you never know who you might match.
You can keep doing this until either you run out of profiles (this takes an awful lot of swiping depending on your search distance!) or you run out of likes. Yes, that’s right, Tinder decided in 2015 to add in-app purchases to their app. I can’t blame them and it’s not like they’ve restricted access so much that you can’t get away with just using the free offering.
Should you run out of likes you can either wait 12 hours for your meter to refill or sign-up for Tinder Pro which will not only give you unlimited “likes” but also allow you to “rewind” to the previous profile following an accidental left swipe. The cost of Tinder Pro varies between $9.99 and $19.99 and is dependant on age and sex.
Another feature of Tinder Pro is the ability to swipe in a location other than the one you are currently in. This is known as Tinder Passport and allows you to choose any location in the world to find potential matches. This is a great feature and allows you to begin searching in advance of a trip or vacation and would allow you to get acquainted with someone before being able to meet them when you get there.
Ok, I get it, I swipe left or swipe right, and I can swipe in other countries if I want, what now?!
So, once you’ve swiped right on someone, Tinder’s algorithm should place you closer to the top of that person’s list of profiles. This will be dependant on their search criteria though. With all being well, you would show up on their app fairly soon after you liked them and give them the opportunity to decide whether or not they feel the same.
Yes, I’ve got a match!!!
She swiped right too, congratulations dude, you da man! Yes that’s right, if you like her and she likes you back… It’s a match! Then the fun really begins and the option to message them opens up, which brings me nicely on to…
How to start a conversation on Tinder
As far as dating apps go, Tinder is quite frankly, ruthless. One wrong move and you’ll be unmatched quicker than you swiped right on her fine ass! It’s important that you get your opening line (or lines) right if you want to grab her attention.
If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to tell what type of girl you have on your hands before a single word is exchanged. Most women write a pretty detailed Tinder bio and have a lot of photos available for you to pass judgement. Sometimes however, it’s just too difficult to call. In all cases though, you have two options; take a risk and try and make her laugh or play it safe and risk appearing boring.
If you’re the type of guy that is pretty shy and reserved then it’s probably best to just play it safe, you’ll be more comfortable that way and you’re being yourself.
For those confident, alpha males amongst you, I’d imagine you’ll opt for option one. You’re probably a natural flirt and will feel right at home taking a risky approach because you’re confident you can carry it off.
As a general rule of thumb, don’t message immediately after matching unless you’re going all guns blazing. I’m talking, dirty pick up lines that are a little close to the mark in order to provoke some kind of response. This approach works because it says “I don’t take Tinder too seriously and I’m game for a laugh”.
Never start the messaging immediately with something like “Hey”. Not only does it not grab their attention, but it screams desperation and women will simply think you’ve done this loads of times before. My advice is to give it at least an hour or two if you’re taking a safer approach with your Tinder opener.
Good Tinder Openers (The safe approach)
Take a good look through her photos and make your ice breaker related to them or base an opening question around them.
If she’s on holiday somewhere… “That photo of you on the beach is amazing, where did you go?
If you can see she has a pet… “Does having a dog/cat bag you more Tinder matches?”
If she’s on a night out with friends… “What’s your favourite club in ______ (the area she’s from)?”
If she’s skiing… “Have you ever snowboarded?”
If she looks particularly nice in a photo… “You look lovely in the photo where you are in the red dress”
If her photos aren’t giving anything away then play it really safe with something along these lines…
“Hey (name), you have the prettiest smile on Tinder”
“Hey (name), you have the most beautiful eyes!”
“Hey how was your weekend?”
“I’m sure you get this all the time, but you’re ridiculously attractive.”
“Someone told me not to bother with Tinder because all the good ones were taken…glad I didn’t listen.”
Remember, pay attention to her Tinder bio and her profile pictures, they should give you enough to get the first message across and responded to. If not, go for a nice compliment or just straight up ask her how she is. Keep it simple.
Best Tinder Openers (The risky approach)
Let’s face it, you’re taking a risk with this approach and so your opener isn’t likely to be relevant to her interests or what she’s doing in her photos. A lot of women are turned off by pick up lines in general but sometimes it’s a great ice breaker. Some are more risky than others but try these for size!
“If you were a fruit then you’d be a Fineapple”
“If you were a vegetable then you’d be a Cutecumber”
“Titanic… That’s my ice breaker. How you doing?”
“Truth or dare?”
If she says “truth” then respond: “What’s your phone number?”
If she says “dare” then respond: “I dare you to give me your number”
“On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?”
“If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seeds?”
“Roses are red, so are your lips, sit on my face and wiggle your hips”
“What’s the difference between me and my couch?” (What?) “My couch pulls out.”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put the D in U.”
“I’m no weatherman but you can expect a good few inches tonight.”
That was just 10 of the best Tinder openers, if you want to see almost 900 more that you can use on Tinder then check out this dirty pick up lines post.
What to say on Tinder
It’s always difficult to know what to say to a woman, never mind a woman you have never met. I find honesty is the best policy, just be yourself and answer questions without fabricating the truth… too much! 😉 Ok, so we all tell a little white lie now and again but just remember that you could be talking to your future girlfriend so don’t make up some elaborate story about being a professional sports star or anything silly like that!
When Tinder first hit the app stores, it quickly grew a reputation as a hookup app. However, since then things have changed and Tinder users are looking to do more than just hit it and quit it. Well, that’s not true for all users, there are plenty who still see it as an easy way to meet for a good time but more and more I’m seeing Tinder bios that explicitly state no hookups. That’s not to say women always stick to their word though, we know how much they love to change their minds!
What you’ll say to your Tinder matches is going to depend on two things, whether you are:
- Looking to date/find a girlfriend
- Looking for some fun and a hook up
Getting a date on Tinder
If you’re looking for a date on Tinder, then the chances are you’re going to need to play it reasonably safe. Ask about any interests listed in her Tinder bio, where has she travelled, her favourite foods, does she have siblings, etc. You’re looking for things in common that you can then discuss in more detail, that’s kinda the point really, to find a common interest.
One word of advice, keep the questions genuine, you want to get to know her so be sincere with your questions. The most important thing to do here is listen to what she’s saying, pick up on things that excite her or make her happy (her use of emoticons will give you a clue ;)).
Once you have that common ground, build a conversation around it and more importantly try a move towards asking her out on a date doing that very thing! If she enjoys sport then ask to go and see a game together, if she enjoys movies then take her to see one! It could be as simple as grabbing a coffee sometime, if she likes coffee… here’s an idea, ask her!
One other thing, be sure to pay her compliments, women love that. Try to be more inventive than just complimenting her looks though, that’s too easy and it shows that you’re interested in more than just her looks.
If you follow the above then you’ll build a rapport in no time at all, once you feel like that has happened, it’s time to move the conversation off Tinder and maybe swap numbers. 🙂
Just before I move on, here are a few things you should definitely avoid doing!
Don’t bombard her with messages if she hasn’t replied in a while, that can be a good thing, she isn’t spending all of her time on Tinder and has a life!
Keep your messages concise, maybe a couple of sentences at a time. You don’t want her having to read a wall of text and then spend twice as much time responding to every point or question.
If you don’t get a response from your initial message, don’t be angry and send a load more telling her how much of a bitch she’s being or telling her she’s not all that anyway. Just move on.
Hooking up on Tinder
Hooking up on Tinder is a whole different ball game. In fact, some of the above will have a negative effect on your chances. Women that just want to have fun are less bothered about you paying an interest in their family life and more interested in how quickly they can get the D.
That’s not to say that a compliment here and there won’t help your case, after all you do still need to build a rapport if you’re going to hook up with her. But discussing how many brothers and sisters she has is likely to get boring for her quickly and it’s also going against what you want.
You have to upfront and honest on Tinder, if you want to hook up then tell her straight, don’t play games. Use one of my dirty pick up lines as your Tinder opener and her response will be enough to tell you if she’s game or not.
Assuming you get a good response, it’s time for a bit of foreplay! Be cheeky when paying her a compliment or two and build some good back and forth banter. Before long she’ll be throwing emoticons up all over the shop and you’ll know you’re onto a winner.
A useful tactic is to find an interest in her bio (or an obvious one from her photos) that you’re also interested in and drop that into the conversation. Doing this shows you pay attention and that you have a little in common so she won’t be hooking up with a total douche.
The next step is to drop in your location and maybe ask “is that far from you?” to see how she responds. Hopefully you’re close and then you can move it up a notch. Suggest somewhere local to her (if you don’t know anywhere then jump on google and look) to meet up for a quick drink or coffee. This may seem odd if you only want to hook up but it’s worth doing for two reasons:
- You get to see that she is who she says she is and not some catfish!
- She’ll feel more comfortable meeting you in a neutral location
Once you’ve made it that far, just turn on the charm and continue the flirting in person, she’ll be yours in no time. You’ll be able to judge when you meet but don’t be afraid to ask her back to your place to continue the fun and see where it goes!
Does Tinder work?
The short answer is yes. Tinder does work. But here’s the longer answer…
The Tinder app requires a different selection process to that of almost every other dating app out there, as such, you need to change your mindset to really get the best out of it.
You have to really take your time over deciding which way to swipe. I’ve found it’s vital to check out all of their photos at the very least. Basing your decision on a single picture, that could have been poorly chosen, can often be a mistake. There’s something quite rewarding about dismissing a profile based on her main photo, only to click into it and realise she’s really quite beautiful in the rest of her shots. Turns out it isn’t just men that don’t always know their best side.
Making your profile really stand out is also key. There’s an art to getting it just right. From the style of photos you use to the detail you write in your Tinder bio, it all gets used whenever she makes that decision to swipe one way or another. That’s the key difference between men and women, for the most part she’ll be using both your Tinder bio AND your profile photos to make her decision, men on the other hand are far more likely to swipe on looks alone.
I could write an entire post on the perfect Tinder profile, and in fact, I’ll do just that and link to it from this guide when it’s ready. I could include it here but I think it’s worthy of it’s own post to be honest.
UPDATE: I have now written a guide on how to create the perfect Tinder profile
So yes, Tinder does work. Sometimes you have to be patient though…
No matches on Tinder
“Patience is a virtue”, every heard that? How about “good things come to those that wait?” That’s right, things aren’t necessarily going to fall into your lap right away on Tinder. It’s can take a little trial and error and lots of swiping to get your first match. You are not alone.
If you feel like you’ve been swiping hundreds of profiles and are yet to get a match, then you need to ask yourself a few questions.
- Am I using the best photos for Tinder?
- Have I set my standards too high?
- Is my Tinder bio exciting enough?
If you answer no to any of the above then you have probably found your answer.
Am I using the best photos for Tinder?
The easiest way to find out whether your main photo (and your others in fact) is a good one, is to get a woman’s opinion. Don’t ask your mom or sister, ask a female friend or a friend of a friend, basically someone who will be honest with you. Get them to check it out and compare to your other profile photos on Facebook (remember that’s where they come from) and get her to choose the best one for you.
Have I set my standards too high?
The standards thing is an issue, if you’re only swiping right on perfect 10’s then you have to ask yourself, “am I really good looking enough to get her attention?”. The brutal reality of Tinder is that some of the guys on there are like models. I have a lot of female friends and they have shown me many a Tinder profile, the guys are often ripped and extremely good looking.
Now, I’m not saying that you don’t stand a chance. A lot of women are put off by men with ripped bodies, especially those that like to take photos of them and post them onto dating apps such as Tinder. If you’re an average guy though, you’re already making a hard job way more difficult.
Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. You don’t have to waste your likes on absolute stunners if you don’t think they’ll swipe right too. Try and give yourself a score out of ten… now take one off (for accuracy ;)) and look for women of a similar level to yourself.
Is my Tinder bio exciting enough?
This can be a tricky one to judge yourself, so as with the photo scenario, get a female friend to have a read. Ideally she should be intrigued by what you’ve written and want to know more, but worst case she’ll at least know one thing exciting about you that she can ask you about.
Now you’ve got a revamped profile, get back out there cowboy! There’s nothing quite like your first Tinder match so follow the above and it’ll be here sooner than you think!
How to tell if someone unmatched you on Tinder
The only thing worse than no matches on Tinder is being unmatched unexpectedly! It will happen though and my first experience of it confused the hell outta me!
Picture this, your phone goes off and you see the Tinder flame icon at the top of your screen so you pull down your notifications and see that you have a new Tinder match. You think “awesome!” and click on your notification to see which hot mama you’ve managed to bag… only to see that there’s no new women at all (or in my case, this was my first ever match so my matches screen was completely blank!). It’s demoralising to say the least but you get over it. Just don’t check, check and check again like I ended up doing, I was convinced there was something wrong with the Tinder app! #FAIL
Unfortunately, this is about as close as you get to finding out who unmatched you on Tinder or even the reason why. Just accept that women change their minds and make mistakes too and they just swiftly rectified their error without causing you any unnecessary embarrassment. I mean, imagine saying “Hi” and then being unmatched, that’s far more brutal! (This will also happen at some point)
In summary, you can’t tell who unmatched you on Tinder unless you happen to be chatting to them already and then they disappear. You’ll never know if it was done intentionally or whether it was just an accidental unmatch on her part. Either way, my advice is simply, don’t give it too much thought, it happens for reasons out of your control, don’t sweat it.
I’d like to leave you with some key tips to succeeding on Tinder if I may. They may sound simple but you’d be surprised at how often I hear about guys forgetting these basics tips.
Go on Tinder regularly
Especially if you’re in a new area. This is absolutely key, if you travel a little for work or regularly visit a different area of the country then make sure you online there too. You never know who will be around and when!
Choose your Tinder search distance carefully
I see this mistake happen regularly. A lot of guys think 10 or 20 miles is going to give them all they need and a wide range of Tinder profiles to choose from. They’re wrong. Unless you live in a really densely populated area like a big city, this isn’t going to give you the level of choice you need. Even if you do live in the city, if your search area is too small then how will you pick up the attractive woman that lives on the outskirts but works in the city?
I always find it’s better to have too much choice than not enough. If you really hit it off with someone that’s 10 miles further away than you wanted, are you going to turn down the opportunity for that date? Women are far more likely to want to meet you halfway these days so pick your ideal distance and then double it!
Be yourself and be honest
This seems obvious but a lot of guys put on a front on Tinder. That is all well and good if you’re just having a laugh but should you end up on a date with a woman, and turn out to be completely different in person, she’s not likely to want that second date.
Not only that but just relax into conversations, it’s supposed to be exciting and fun but also natural. If you have to force it then it’s probably best to move on.
Learn to deal with rejection. Quickly
Here’s the thing about Tinder, you match someone and you assume that person wants to talk to you. Ha! Not always the case. I have lost count of the number of matches I’ve had where they just don’t respond.
I’ve tried every type of opening style you can think of yet some women just don’t bother responding, no matter what you say. If this happens, just unmatch them and move on. It’s not worth losing sleep over, there will be others.
Is Tinder safe?
I think with anything online, there’s an element of risk involved in chatting to someone you don’t know and agreeing to meet up with them. That being said, Tinder is no better or worse than any other dating apps or online dating websites.
The chances of you getting a part in the next episode of Catfish is fairly unlikely, as is anything untoward happening to you during a meet up. However, you can take a few steps to ensure that you are meeting the person you think you have been talking to though.
- Arrange a phone call or better yet Skype/Facetime her to make sure she is who you think.
- Arrange to meet in a public place (I’d always advise this for a first date anyway, if only for her piece of mind)
- Move your conversation off Tinder and exchange numbers beforehand, it’s more unlikely that anyone playing you for a fool would give you their number.
- Create a separate Facebook profile to control the data shared when using Tinder.
- Keep an eye out for fake Tinder profiles (see next section)
How to spot Tinder scams
One thing to keep an eye out for on Tinder is spam accounts, they are dead easy to spot but you probably won’t know it’s a fake until you’ve already matched. Once you engage in conversation with her it will become fairly obvious but here are some classic techniques they use.
- They often send the opening message, this in itself is unusual (at least in my experience!)
- After just a couple of messages a link will be posted – this tends to be to some webcam type site which will ask for your credit card details, etc.
- They will claim that their Tinder app isn’t working properly and so suggest messaging elsewhere… then provide a random link that could take you anywhere!
My single word of advice is NEVER CLICK THE LINKS, I mean, why would you? If it looks dodgy or too good to be true then it almost always is!
How to delete a Tinder account
As a last resort if you’re not enjoying the process of using Tinder or better yet, you’re dating someone so no longer need it, it is possible to delete a Tinder account.
Unfortunately, simply uninstalling the Tinder app from your phone doesn’t get rid of a Tinder account. You will still show up in search results and will continue to be judged by a simple swipe.
To properly delete a Tinder account you must follow these steps:
- Go to the menu
- Open the app settings
- Scroll to the very bottom
- Press the very lightly coloured button labelled “Delete Account”
- You’ll receive a message saying “Account successfully deleted”
- Move on with your life 🙂
I thought I’d compile a list of frequently asked Tinder questions as and when they crop up, this list will be added to over time so if you’re having trouble with Tinder then be sure to pop back!
If Someone Unmatched You On Tinder Do They Disappear?
In short, yes. The second you are unmatched, the other person can no longer see you on their app.
How Does Tinder Measure Distance?
Tinder’s distance measurements are calculated in either miles or kilometers. However, the distance is actually calculated in a straight line from point to point, rather than via the actual route you would take to get there. This can result in profiles showing up that seem really far away but actually they’re likely to be within the radius you have set.
If Someone Deletes Their Tinder Do They Unmatch You?
The good news is… no! The matches are only lost when that person actually deletes their entire Tinder account. Simply deleting the app will not do lose the matches.
How To Find Someone On Tinder Again
The bad news is, once you’ve swiped left on someone they’re gone forever, except… if you delete your account and recreate a new one. I mean that’s feasible and all but come on, was she even going to swipe right anyway? Be realistic! Oh… you could just buy Tinder Premium so that you can reload the previous profile which you accidentally swiped left on? Yes, that’s easier. Do that.
So that’s it, I hope you found this Tinder guide really useful. If you have any specific questions or feedback then pop them in the comments below and I’ll be happy to respond.